ONLY THA NAPPY FRY YOUNG (+transkrip)

so ya'll know that recents I had to go to cort w/ that nappy blonde busty beasty busty husty musty crusty fabulous white generic bitch Julius, after she had personally attacked me in my own home which lead to a serials debacle to go down at our local KFCs...

It was really a sad days for the lot of us, and I had wished that it not had occured, but sometimes...sometimes Destiny's Child has a way of throwing obastickles in our path that we can ignore. and i hope ya'll undersnads that, okay? if i came back, it was because I was DESTINED by Aprilynne Pike to come back and agin start my blogging endevours, maybe rack up a new leadership, start some new marketing and tourism promotions for DAWN & Subsequet Projecs once I have All The Things Done...

Julius and I had a court hearing yesterday afternewn, and I have a transkrip of that event. Now, a transkrip, for those of ya'll who don't know what a transkrips is, is basics a transkrip of the court hearing. Here it is from the end of the herring, not the whole thang, as that was well over an horus' worth of materia which will hopefully be included in the back portion of my nex series, THE CHRONICLES OF LESBIA.

Here is tha world premiere of the transkrips, my young nappy fried monster barbs/kenbarbs:

Teisha: Your honor I--
Judge: SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE YOU INSIPID--
Teisha: Your honor that is a straight up LIE--
Julius: Dumb black bimbo she isn't accusing yhu of anyting! Y yhu no just shut mouth?
Teisha: And like I said you was a BITCH to me maynee.
Judge: Enough! Miss [Julius] Henry, can you explain to me what exactly happened?
Julius: Yes I can you're honer.
Judge: ...
Teisha: ...
Julius: ...
Judge: ...
Teisha: ...
Julius: ... YORE ONER WAT THE HELL IS WRONG?!
Teisha: ...and evidentully where waiting on you to--
Judge: SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE LADY, THIS IS MY COURT, AND IN MY COURT YOU. DO. NOT. MESS. AROUND. LIKE. THAT! You got it?!
Teisha: Your honor honestly I--
Judge: DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?!?!
Julius: Honestly, yer honer, ah don't think she undersnads ennywhun.
Teisha: Honey and you better stop runnin ur muthafuckin beauxtox-inflated lipz cuz bitch you gots loose bacon strips, that's whatchu gots.
Judge: ENOUGH! MISS HENRY, CONTINUE!
Julius: Well, yor whonore, it wos jus a regoolar Saturdae night--
Teisha: ...yea n' it was a friday night by the way--
Judge: SHUT YOUR FRIED PIEHOLE YOU GHETTO SCUM!
Julius: Thank yhu yor honer. Basicaly, it was a thursdai night nd I was chilling with my homegurls Ivy like eny other dai, and um, we went to oardered food at the local, uh, KFC, such as. The plaintiff was working the register, which I did not know before--uh beforehand--
Teisha: Your honor that is a lie--
Judge: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND LET THE DEFENDANT FINISH, YOU HOOCHIE!
Teisha: *shivers all over*
Julius: ...and...as is I was sayin...your honor......the plaintiff *sniffles* the plaintiff called me a white-trash hillbilly and an embarrrassssssssiiiing redneck and...*chokes up*
Judge: Miss Henry I can see that you're not really crying, and I'm going to let Miss Little tell her half of the story. Miss...Pringle? Is it Pringle or is it Little because I have two different last names on here and both of them seem--
Teisha: I go by Pringle now but it's okay if ya'll want to to refer to me as Miss Little.
Judge: NO IT'S NOT! YOU HAVE TO INFORM THE STATE OF YOUR NAME CHANGE YOU INSPID...POOR EXCUSE FOR A WOMAN.
Teisha: I'm sorry your honor.
Judge: No you may not call me that.
Julius: *moanscrieschokesshiverssnifflesscreamssobsguffaws*
Teisha: Basically, what had happind was...as I was takin their order, Ivy had to fire back with a racia remark that I wasn't prepared for, and it hurt me all over so I--
Judge: So you violently assaulted Miss Julius Henry, bless her heart and may she rest in peace?
Teisha: Yes your honor that is what happened.
Judge: ......case closed, judgement in the case of the defendant.
Teisha: WHAT?!
Judge: You plainly admitted to having assaulted our Miss Henry here on a violence basis.
Teisha: YOUR HONOR I MEANT THAT SHE HAD--
Julius: UH! OH YES! OOH YEA BABY! UH HUH! THAS RIGHT! GO STANKY! GO STANKY! ALL THE GRILS STOMP YOUR FEET LIKE THIS CUZ I AIN'T YUHR HOLLABLACK GIRL! I AIN'T YOUR HOLLABLACK GRIL!
Teisha: NIGGA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very disappoint...


....to be continues.

I'M TEISH AND WHO ARE YOU?

So gurl I jus got back from tha hospice. After a fite wit Juliu left me partially blinded in one eye and mentally instable, I was require to admit myself and my dignity to the Compton County Hospital, were I was immediately treeted. I have since spent tha months rekovering and lerning to walk and writing what little ten or soe Chapters I had left of DAWN.

This is a very emotiona book, written during an emotiona periods In My life that I can no longer go on to ignored. I been through enough scamds already that I now know what to tell how legit and fakes apart from the truth. Fux ya'lll. Fux tha fake Jebidiah Reamerson, whom Aaroni somehow played a part in sicing on me. Amerian BOok Publishing continues to baffle me with they're asstound level of insencere, and I just want DAWN and BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES back from them.

Only DAWN and its squel DUSK and the tentative third book in the trilog, tentative tidled TWILIGHT (and bitch ya'll better keep ya'll mouths shut all up in hurr on the blog o sphurr or i'll pull yo hurr throw you down in thurr like a sick skanky panky hanky danky wanky manky swanky panky pankay baybay bomdayday sweetie tweetie beetie dede dashiki) will have a planned release, from what source I cannont tell. Language is sittin on my lips, full and fervent and eloquent as I , and I, don't really, have much, if any, at all, time, to plan, of course, my releases, and my release dates, because I have to write these books, obviously, and learn to cope with my ! new life. haha

just know that bitch that teisha's back, and this time...

THIS TIME
I'M GON
SHINE!
THIS TIME
THE WORLD BE
MINE!
OH!

c=3

FRIED GOODS.

Ya'll may have not have never have now have noticed that it is twenty twelve. I figured I should make my comeback NOW. Gurl last year did not end on a good note at all, all thanx to yhu stanky ghetto hoars. But I will not blame it all on yhu, but rather the people that became of ya'll shortly after I made my debut appearances into the wackily wonderful world of sweety booty tooty booby smoothie gaga groupie yong adult literate. Howeva, let it be knew that from this day, I will be a New Teisha.

In my conkwest for flame and affluence and eight-figured real Heather Terrell deals, I let my sights be blinded by ya'll stanky asses. All comin up in hurr to CRITISCIZE and SODOMIZE and WOMENIZE. Sinful, tha lot of ya'll. My blogs became sinful chronicles of Narniate and half-baking truthfuls and skanky hanky panky wanky ghettoe classy young flashy so sassy bashy cashy frashy white heauxs. Ya'll remember Julius, right? Look what mama had to wake up too after she post stuff abt Julius and that nappy-headed heaux called Ivy:

Now nigga I don't know bout'ch ya'll but NIGGA YA'LL WUZ A BITCH TO ME. Thiz jus ain't koo, ya know? I work my young ass off on tha runway to buy a hundai and ya'll jus come up in hurr an bash it in like nothin else well maynee if this ain't revenge then  I don't know what is. And quite frankles, Julius can SUCK DICK AND DIE!

I may have given up on the world of fakes and literatureturetureture, but that dond't mean tha real world has given up on me, nor I on it. This is a brand new begin up in hurr, and I am moar than read to take ya'll on with a fried iron fist and a cracked-open can o' WHOOP-YO-ASS.

KISSES from Compton!

BREAKING NEWS!!! KAILIN GOW: LIAR & SADIST.

HELLO, YOUNG FRIED DARK SKIN SWEET MONEY BLOOD HONEY BEAUTYS!
It has recently come to my attentions that a Certain Self-Published Author Who Uses Random and Improper Capitalization has attacked yet another of her many many many many many dissappointed readers. The author in question? KAILIN GOW. And as you know, I don't have the best of experiences with her. Like at all, for what it's worth. Mainly because she gives self-published authors a bad name, and is probably one of prime reasons why top YA book bloggers won't even look at the material of self-published authors.
So call me fuxing excited when I seen that she had responded to a scathing review a book blogger had given yet another one of her poorly-constructed ripped-off old saggy skin sour money counterfeit honey books. There was nothing but truth in that review, mind you. Her style as a writer is awful and clunky and horrifyingly underdeveloped. So here's the email in its entirety from the Reviewer In Question's site, jus so ya'll kno this shit is tru and hard:

EXTREMELY unprofessional. It's written into the email, sewn into the words like my golden poetry, but in her horrid rusty form. I'll show you how I knew it was Kailin, and then I'll analyze and tear apart and full-out bash the rest of the email.

(ETA: She's now changed her twitter bio, but most all of us have seen it, so there. And I cain't edit this shit so aha. too late, gow.)

The mention of some "U.S. Senator" AND the fact that she's said the award-winning bit about her books quite a few times in the past. It doesn't take rocket science to know that it's her. She basically wove her name into the entire email. Aha.

Like the reviewer says on his blog, Kailin has a reputation for overly embellishing certain details. It's nothing but the truth. She mentions that her books win ALL of these great awards and will be made into games and films and hardcore pornographic films for teens and the elderly alike and gives us no proof or anything. Much like her faked Kirkus review, which she still hasn't proved was true at all.
And then saying that OMG THA PREZ'S DAUGHTA' ND A BIG BAD SENATOR IZ FANZ OFF TEH BOOKZ CHING CHANG WING WANG BING BING totally makes Kailin a complete and utter failure, and in all seriousness, can you even SHOW us proof that either of the Obama's daughters said 'I RECOMMEND KAILIN GOW'S BOOKS READ THEM READ THEM NOW'. Because if not...then fuck you. You don't deserve our time. You act as though you're some big bag part of the YA community when--in truth--if you were removed from us, there wouldn't be much of a difference save for the lack of some bastardous burdenous disgrace of an author.
TRUTH.

And even if one of his daughter's had read it, then that doesn't necessarily mean they recommend them to anyone. Shit bitch fuckin Taylor Swift could read BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES or DAWN, and that doesn't mean anything. Celebrities read people's books all the time, so don't feel special. If Malia had read BF, then it was probably because someone handed it to her and said: "Honey, this here book is a dead-on prime example of why we need to step up our game in the field of education. Read it, breathe it, burn it, consume it, regurgitate it, and never lay eyes on it again. Aha."
And the part that really got me was when she's all like "especially if you're used to a certain style like the Iron King, which I know you're a big fan of and is doing everything to help promote. I'm not trying to compete against her as my audience tends to be a different group."

Um. WHAT THE FLUX BOOX, GURL?! Aside from that glaring grammatical flaw, why bring my gurl Jules into this? Are you trying to dog on her writing style or what? Because bitch I can assure you that Julie is a way better writer than you. Natch, the following comment perfectly captures my thoughts:

♥

Kailin recently told a fan of hers that Julie Kagawa sent her death threats. And now she's bringing Julie up in this email? What a bitch! So the comment above embodies a pure form of my darkest thoughts. It is all truth. It appears Miss Gow is jealous of Julie Kagawa, who has accomplished with three books what Kailin hasn't even come close to accomplishing with 80. I'm shakin mah nappy head at that shit cuz MAYNEE YA'LL WAZ A BITCH TO ME! *lecough*
And besides, Kailin ripped off THE IRON KING anyways, so she should praise Julie, not hate her. And besides, both she and Julie write for the YA audience--although Julie has a developed style and her books are written for intelligent readers. Also, Julie has reached the NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST, while Kailin still says shit like "THREE DAYZ L8TUR AN MAH BOOKZ IZ BEZTSELL INTERNATIONAL THANK YOU FOR MAKING THAT HAPPENED!" But she never gives lists or shows us proof.

Therefore, Kailin, Julie Kagawa is better than you. Don't fucking try to bring her down in this email. I mean, WHY bring THE IRON KING up? Why Julie? Why not some book like fuckin MATCHED or some shit like that. Oh wait. You ripped off that book, too. And when you say you're not trying to compete with Julie, I burst out laughing. You are in NO way competition for Julie. She's way ahead of you, and I doubt you'll be catching up any time soon.

It's KAILIN'S stuff that isn't developed and is undeveloped in style. She is such a compulsive liar. And watch when Kailin sees this she'll be like 'THERE'S SUCH A THING AS SLANDER BECAUSE TL THREATENED ME NOT TO.' What. That's what a sentence from Kailin reads like. There is so much more to be said about Kailin, and I can assure that you'll hear tons about her in the future.

So. Even though this blog is empty and without recent comments, I'll go out on a limb and ask ya'll to leave your thoughts in the comments. Unlike the Sn'ARC Vixen, I'm not obliging you to by saying that you all love me and want me to keep this blog up. And I'm not trying to make myself seem like some internet meme hero slut skank bitch who catches "losers" on tha tinterwebz.

She fails at Tha Life.

AHA!

LONG LIVE THE FRIED BEAUTYS!

PRESENTING TEISHA

HEY EBEYONE!

Sorry for my recent hiatus. Many things in my personal life have come up and also I have been wanting to be just like Taherher Mafia and Stefan DeLaurentos, who have both been on hiatus because it's the new "in" thing and I'm also on deadline for  the next book in my future international major bestselling trilogy of four, BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES.

Drafting book too has been a really tough challenge for me, so when I get stuck, I do what I do best.

I CHEER.

But recently, Cheer Has Been very Stressful. My squad's rivals, the Wasps, has been plagiarizing our cheers.




This is very upsetting. This is very pathetic.

Well, anyway, BLP teasers To Come Soon! Now excuse me while I go kill some Wasps.

BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES: OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS AND EKSERPT

Wat it do, heauxs and bros!

Iz Tiesha, with tha officially released synopalis for BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES I jus got from my publisher. In case you missed mah beautiful little pretty completely original beautiful fashion modle vogue walk it anna wintour makeup dark beauty elle lyrical original edgy dark YA cover, here it is:

Official Synopsas

Long version:

What if you knew exactly when you would fry?

Thanks to modern science, every human being has become a ticking genetic dark neautrogena sex beauty young dark fried nymphomaniac—males only settle for 3 or more sex partners, and females are easily battled and overcame. In this bleak landscape, three young girls--Rhya, Jenny, and Celia--are kidnapped and forced into polygamous marriages.

When sixteen-year-old Rhya Rivers is taken by the Polygamaniacs to become a selave, she enters a wild world of wilting wealth (showcazing mah luvvs 4 thee alliterations) and putrid, pensive privilege. Despite her loving husband Landen's genuine loquacious love for her, and a totally tenuous trust among her busty sister wives, Rhya has one purpose: to excape—to return home to her twink brother.

When raging alcoholic DUI Incarnate Jenny is taken by the Polygamaniacs, life as she knew it is entirely shattered. What will she do? Where will she party? Do they have tequilla?

When male-to-female tranny Celia is captured, she thinks it is a mistake. Surely the prestigious and attractive sexalicious Landon wouldn't want one of his selaves to come with a penis? Celia was captured just before her final surgery in her poetic and lyrical LGBT YA fiction story. This is huge problem.

It all comes falling down when the three girsl start recieveing death threats from an anonymous 'Z' who claims to know what they did last summer. Because they aren't exactly total strangers: they'd been close friends before, and last summer they did something utterly horrifying, something strong enough to shatter a friendship that had formed after ten years.

Incorporating diverseity characters of popular YA and aspecs of thriller and mystery and apocaliptic fiction, BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES is a searing story, the first in a trilogy, sure to vaporize your panties. (Or, in Celia's case, jock strap.)

Short version:

Three girls, sold into polygamous sexy orgies after the apacalips, struggle to survive they're resurfacing sekrets when they recieve death threats from an anonymous 'Z' who knows what these bitches did last summer.

The pitch I used in my query letter: It's like THE HUNGER GAMES and DIVERGENT and MATCHED and PRETTY LITTLE LIARS, only with better writing quality and more diversity and more rape scenes.

AND NOW AN INCLUSIVE EKSERT FROM TEISHA PRINGLE, THE WOMAN WHO STARTED IT ALL AND INTERNATIONALLY APPRAISED PHENOMENA:

PORLOGUE                                                                                    

Once upon a time there were four sweet ghetto honeys. They had it all: money, looks, power. They're lives were the epitome of glamorous; they were one nameless beautiful creature basking in their infinite fame, not wanting to fail or fall. Their lives were a single speeding rollercoaster rocketing up, up, up. What they didn't know was it took the precipice to bring them down. And that precipice? It manifested as an erotic excursion taken before the virus swept the nation, before the sickness glazed the globe.

They had only ever wanted to have fun. But something went wrong, and of the four that left...only three returned. And among those three hang one secret, one locked behind their lips. Over the years silence took its place between them, cleaving their bonds, thicker than syrup.

But you see, what these three bitches never knew is that this dirtry little secret wasn't limited to just the three of them. Oh no, no, no -- a million times no. The virus is dragging them closer and closer to each other, has been doing this even as they began drifting apart all those years ago. And their secrets? They're coming back, unearthing themselves one by one until only one dark and twisted truth burrows to the surface.

These beautiful little pretties thought this was all on the past.

They're wrong.

-- Z

I am a poetic write, and BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES will showcase each poetic lyricals like a nigga's carress. I am bless, and my career as a success write will be too!

When BLP come out next summer...WHOOO NIGGA MAMMY IMMA BE EXCITE!

KISSES!

BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES: COVER REVEAL

HEY EBEYONE!!!

This Teisha who is this?! Well mah nikkas I just swanged by ta tell ya'll that that shit was TO' up. TO' up. Butthasnotgonbeit. I camed to make an announcement. I am a high class write, and my new hit chick-lit murder mystery is going to soar to thee bestsell lists aha bitch what what. I am happy to announce that with all of your support, I have been give the go-ahead to Announce the Title! Thank you for Making that Happened!

So hurrs goes heauxs: BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES.

It is unlike anything you have ever read, unlike any of the dark crap YA you've seen and heard and boned. Yuhr nigga mammy up in tha blogosphere sure does love her some hot new teen fiction, and BLP will be a trendsetter, according to my lovely agent!

And now, I have been given access to give you all the exclusive cover reveal for BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRETTIES, so...

BEAUTIFUL. I literally jumping back from my screen in shock when I saw this. They told me the purple is going to be in foyl like a "sweet silky milky." And the butterfly/my name will be in a gloss with err'thang else in a matte finish. This cover is poetic, original, simply, elegant, beauitufl, and unlike anything else out there. It will be a bestsell once it comes out in hardcover in Summer 2012. Hells yes!!!

Stay tuned for when I announce the synopsis!!!!!

KISSES!